Here we go

Yes, I'm doing it. I must be crazy. Tomorrow I return to work. I say this as though I am going back to a full time job. No, silly....just going to work for one day. Saturday. So, today, I am going to share what I think about that.

I have begged to go back to work. I know that Scott doesn't really want me to work, but he is trying not to let that show. He told me if I wanted to work, then he wanted me to. He also said he hopes my return tomorrow will be enough to remind me I don't want to work.
I have been excited about it. I've rationalized my return to work by thinking:

• I'm working on Saturday when the boys can be at home with Dad.


• It's only one day.

I've been so excited:

• I went and bought new scrub pants (my old ones did not fare well during pregnancy).


• I bought new pens....which are essential to any good nurse. :-)


• I've been planning which scrub top I will wear since I can actually wear a scrub top again, not a maternity shirt and scrub pants that are about to exceed the drawstring waist. I'm even thinking of ironing!?!

So, the day is almost here. I know what it will bring. I will be up alone at 5 am to shower and get ready. I will sit at the table and eat my cereal, trying not to bang the spoon against the bowl so I don't wake anyone. I will pack my lunch. I will write a note for the boys, because I always leave them a note when I leave for work before they are up....even if it says nothing but I love you. I will brush my teeth and wake Scott for a kiss before I go. He's back asleep before I am out of the room. Brody gets gentle kisses on the forehead so I don't wake him. I peek in Brayden's room and whisper "Bye little man. I love you." Downstairs, I will gather my things and head for the door...the tears are already coming....I realize I am leaving them and suddenly I don't want to go. I'm certain I'll cry at least halfway to work. I'll call the boys incessantly, I'm sure, 'just to check in'.

Things are different for Mothers, I think. Scott went back to work only 5 days after Brody was born. As far as I know, he didn't shed a tear. It's just what men do. Brody is 11 weeks old, and I am all torn up thinking about leaving him for 13 hours....and with his daddy!?! It's not like I am leaving him with a total stranger. I know it will be fine. I have missed nursing...I have missed my friends at work....I've even missed the utter chaos that is the 6th floor. It's only for one day....just enough to get my fill of nursing....then I can go back to being just Mommy for a while. I should be thankful that I don't have to work - and that when I chose to return to work, I can do it on such a minimal-set-my-own-schedule basis. Ugghh....why am I so wishy-washy?

So if ya happen to be up at 7 am on Saturday, say a little prayer for a Mama that is returning to work and leaving her babies behind. And, say a little prayer for the Daddy that is going to get the boys up, dressed, fed, and to baseball practice on time.